Overcoming Isolation: One of an Aspie’s Most Terrible Realities

Depression and Isolation in Adulthood with Asperger's

A life with Asperger’s in a neurotypical world is, not surprisingly, difficult. Aspies must overcome countless necessary challenges that have to do with three big categories of stimuli: environments, the brain, and relationships. Unfortunately, aspies too often face unnecessary challenges; terrible burdens on their already heavy shoulders.

Any kind of imbalance in or between the three big categories usually stems from and causes isolation. Isolation is a primary example of trauma to an aspie, regardless of age, traits, or background. Isolation primarily encompasses the relationship factor and its damaging effects on the brain, the psyche. This isolation can cause the aspie to become petrified of their environments.

The most common roots of isolation include:

  • various forms of bullying, particularly rejection and mobbing
  • mood disorders, such as anxiety and depression
  • infrequent or poor-quality time and engagement with family members
  • lack of inclusion
  • any outstanding or different characteristics that make the aspie stand out to others

Due to any one of these factors, the aspie can develop a strong feeling of inadequacy. This sense of inadequacy can then be negatively attributed to essential growth factors such as self-worth and self-confidence.

Unfortunately, there is more to isolation than this description suggests, as it only encompasses what children and youth experience. In the case of adults, isolation and its terrible influence emotionally degrade aspies. This can affect the adult Aspie to the point where they do not have the courage or inclination to step into the circles of employment, finances, professional development, or intimate relationships, to name a few.

Isolation makes any aspie feel voiceless and helpless.

Isolation discourages the aspie from self-advocating and moving forward with their life. Consequently, this leads to an arrested state of development and toxic emotional thinking in which deceptive and demeaning thoughts repeat themselves as vicious cycles in the aspie’s mind. In addition, the aspie likely sticks to one or a given few “safe” locations as a “protective” measure against perceived “threats.” In the context of psychology, this toxic phenomenon is a result of the messages delivered to the aspie via their automatic brain; the fight-or-flight responses.

Such thoughts and feelings are critical for close acquaintances to address not only once, but constantly until the aspie cultivates healthy habits, despite these challenges.

It is always best to have prepared solutions and contingency solutions in the event of isolation in the aspie’s life. Here are some solutions to prevent and to remedy isolation:

The aspie should be only the aspie and not like anybody else. They already have the character traits necessary to succeed at any endeavor. All it takes is acknowledgment, acceptance and some reasonably uncomfortable challenges coupled with realistic developmental goals to solidify authenticity.

For the less positive character traits, such as defiant or deviant behaviors, there are devise strategies that the aspie can regularly practice to counter and to eliminate them altogether. For example, if a behavior has impulsivity as a root cause, the aspie and their family and educators should learn the steps of impulse control and apply them to the aspie’s common realities.

The aspie should never stop working on the improvable aspects of personality, behavior, abilities, etc. This goes for all of the aspie’s pure and toxic qualities.

The aspie should always stand out and not attempt to fit in. Conformity always proves to be ineffective and unsuitable for an aspie, like anybody else. If the aspie acts like their true self, they are more likely to find quality people of any age or background who will allow the aspie to truly be who they are. This creates a sense of belonging for the aspie, not to be undervalued.

A sense of belonging is the inclusion tool necessary to prevent isolation and to reverse any already present psychological damage.

The aspie must not give in to peer or personal temptations. Whether isolation plays its role or not, the aspie must remember that bad habits are fair game. Thus, the aspie must own the issue before it owns their lifestyle. The aspie must first learn about the issue’s fundamentals, indulge it in full, examine potential solutions and then use at least one of them. They must also expect unfamiliar challenges and relapses along the way and tackle everything through realistic goals and fierce determination.

The aspie deserves to do and to enjoy activities that uplift them emotionally and spiritually.

Such activities have at least one grand schedule and allow for routine quality time; arts; sports; parental and educational inquiries to stay on track with development; appointments; responsibilities such as chores, dieting. These activities help to maintain quality physical health, cultivation of mental strength and anything else that suits the aspie on their journey to breakthroughs.

Isolation is truly a terrible nightmare for any aspie at any point in life. They grow up and attempt to make their ends meet in an often-cruel world. Fortunately, they can mend their minds using model examples provided by the hardest experiences at worst, as well as high-quality people and other personally ideal circumstances at best. The message to aspies is that even traumatizing things like isolation happen for a reason and provide significant insights into yourself and your real life; not just take away from your life. Use that knowledge to pick yourself up and move forward!

By Reese Eskridge

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2 thoughts on “Overcoming Isolation: One of an Aspie’s Most Terrible Realities

  1. I (high functioning aspie, here) don’t isolate because I feel socially inadequate. I isolate because the NTs around me are typically so offensive and obnoxious I just cannot tolerate being around them for very long. I honestly don’t want to belong to a group of people who cannot even begin to fathom the notion that there are states of existence in the world that are different from theirs.

    Example: the other day I had to go to the store to load my laundry card. As soon as I walked into any store I am bombarded by everything so I usually just leave my sunglasses on (but have recently started flipping them up onto my head because a friend suggested that the reason I am followed in stores is because I leave them on; I started flipping them up and stopped being followed but now I have to walk with eyes down most of the time because the overload in stimuli is painful) and (if I have them) my ear buds to increase my buffer zone.

    A disgustingly crude, coarse, vulgar, obnoxious woman with a child around 6 started speaking violently to her child in an unnecessarily loud voice (I assumed she was violent based on her voice but it was just her normal speaking voice apparently; I sussed it out after listening for a bit. Nonetheless, I had to clench my hands to keep from reflexively covering my ears from the assault that was her voice) chiding him for choosing a slurpie for its color and yelling to him that brown is an ugly color and picked the slurpie for him.

    I cringed and attempted to block her out. This may sound like an extreme example but her specific behavior and that of most other NTs is not very different from where I am experiencing it. They all seem loud and obnoxious and needy and painfully ignorant to me.

    I enjoy spending time by myself, I enjoy not having to feel like I have to go out of my way to fake being “socially normal” (ie: by speaking incessantly about meaningless and inane things, etc., by engaging in social behaviors that are not innate to me such as being extroverted and overly demonstrative, by pretending to care about things I really don’t such as gossip)…..The downside is that I stick out no matter where I am. I have been masking for many years and have always been aware that I am different (but not necessarily inadequate) from others no matter what social context I am in EXCEPT when I am in a room of people on the AS.

    Being around other AS individuals is the only time I have ever felt truly comfortable and relaxed.