A life with Asperger’s in a neurotypical world is, not surprisingly, difficult. Aspies must overcome countless necessary challenges that have to do with three big categories of stimuli: environments, the brain, and relationships. Unfortunately, aspies too often face unnecessary challenges; terrible burdens on their already heavy shoulders.
Any kind of imbalance in or between the three big categories usually stems from and causes isolation. Isolation is a primary example of trauma to an aspie, regardless of age, traits, or background. Isolation primarily encompasses the relationship factor and its damaging effects on the brain, the psyche. This isolation can cause the aspie to become petrified of their environments.
The most common roots of isolation include:
- various forms of bullying, particularly rejection and mobbing
- mood disorders, such as anxiety and depression
- infrequent or poor-quality time and engagement with family members
- lack of inclusion
- any outstanding or different characteristics that make the aspie stand out to others
Due to any one of these factors, the aspie can develop a strong feeling of inadequacy. This sense of inadequacy can then be negatively attributed to essential growth factors such as self-worth and self-confidence.
Unfortunately, there is more to isolation than this description suggests, as it only encompasses what children and youth experience. In the case of adults, isolation and its terrible influence emotionally degrade aspies. This can affect the adult Aspie to the point where they do not have the courage or inclination to step into the circles of employment, finances, professional development, or intimate relationships, to name a few.
Isolation makes any aspie feel voiceless and helpless.
Isolation discourages the aspie from self-advocating and moving forward with their life. Consequently, this leads to an arrested state of development and toxic emotional thinking in which deceptive and demeaning thoughts repeat themselves as vicious cycles in the aspie’s mind. In addition, the aspie likely sticks to one or a given few “safe” locations as a “protective” measure against perceived “threats.” In the context of psychology, this toxic phenomenon is a result of the messages delivered to the aspie via their automatic brain; the fight-or-flight responses.
Such thoughts and feelings are critical for close acquaintances to address not only once, but constantly until the aspie cultivates healthy habits, despite these challenges.
It is always best to have prepared solutions and contingency solutions in the event of isolation in the aspie’s life. Here are some solutions to prevent and to remedy isolation:
The aspie should be only the aspie and not like anybody else. They already have the character traits necessary to succeed at any endeavor. All it takes is acknowledgment, acceptance and some reasonably uncomfortable challenges coupled with realistic developmental goals to solidify authenticity.
For the less positive character traits, such as defiant or deviant behaviors, there are devise strategies that the aspie can regularly practice to counter and to eliminate them altogether. For example, if a behavior has impulsivity as a root cause, the aspie and their family and educators should learn the steps of impulse control and apply them to the aspie’s common realities.
The aspie should never stop working on the improvable aspects of personality, behavior, abilities, etc. This goes for all of the aspie’s pure and toxic qualities.
The aspie should always stand out and not attempt to fit in. Conformity always proves to be ineffective and unsuitable for an aspie, like anybody else. If the aspie acts like their true self, they are more likely to find quality people of any age or background who will allow the aspie to truly be who they are. This creates a sense of belonging for the aspie, not to be undervalued.
A sense of belonging is the inclusion tool necessary to prevent isolation and to reverse any already present psychological damage.
The aspie must not give in to peer or personal temptations. Whether isolation plays its role or not, the aspie must remember that bad habits are fair game. Thus, the aspie must own the issue before it owns their lifestyle. The aspie must first learn about the issue’s fundamentals, indulge it in full, examine potential solutions and then use at least one of them. They must also expect unfamiliar challenges and relapses along the way and tackle everything through realistic goals and fierce determination.
The aspie deserves to do and to enjoy activities that uplift them emotionally and spiritually.
Such activities have at least one grand schedule and allow for routine quality time; arts; sports; parental and educational inquiries to stay on track with development; appointments; responsibilities such as chores, dieting. These activities help to maintain quality physical health, cultivation of mental strength and anything else that suits the aspie on their journey to breakthroughs.
Isolation is truly a terrible nightmare for any aspie at any point in life. They grow up and attempt to make their ends meet in an often-cruel world. Fortunately, they can mend their minds using model examples provided by the hardest experiences at worst, as well as high-quality people and other personally ideal circumstances at best. The message to aspies is that even traumatizing things like isolation happen for a reason and provide significant insights into yourself and your real life; not just take away from your life. Use that knowledge to pick yourself up and move forward!
By Reese Eskridge
Reese Eskridge is a Production Technician with Fairville Products who is passionate about working in the sciences (biology) and wishes to take his work experiences further into the fields of Educational Neuroscience; Science Fiction; Freelance Writing; Disability Advocacy; Public Speaking; Leadership and Entrepreneurship. Aspergers101 is proud to offer the insights and perceptions of the talented Mr. Eskridge to our team of bloggers as he is a great example of living life on the spectrum to it’s fullest!
Hello all my Aspies! I kinda hate how they give us a lowercase when we are inferior, common sense is no longer in, but unlike the rest of ‘the humans’, we can’t ignore it because it’s ingrained in our psyche, we can’t just forget when it’s convenient. We can’t ignore it, it’s the biggest elephant in the room, and funny how we are the first ones to acknowledge things, when it’s just so much easier to hold your tongue and act like it’s not there?
Haha make it make sense, but they don’t want it to. That’s the point.
It’s a disorder to them because they want us to stay silent, to shut us up. Make us feel ashamed for being right.
It’s not always about right and wrong, I’ve been told a million times, but they throw that exact same argument back to say you are wrong
It’s like saying, I see dead people!
They literally look at us crazy but we’re speaking perfect English (or any language for that matter, pick any language!)
We make shit look easy, and for us, it’s just like breathing.
Compliments are meaningless to us, and forget about jokes
And it’s interesting how they know we’re Aspies before us?
My boss is the one that asked me if I was, and to be honest, I had to look it up because for so long, my family just said I was different. For so long, it felt like there wasn’t a word to describe it any better, and different was the closest.
I’m proud to say Aspies and I love us because fact will always be stronger than mere opinions
It is what it is, aye
Alll over the place but I heavily relate to all of the comments <3
This article was very much appreciated. I lived my life not knowing I had Asberger’s/ASD level 1. I had a nervous breakdown in college and never quite recovered from that devastating blow to my self-esteem, as it meant everything to me and the response by my family was that I was a quitter and a failure.
I continued on, with some noteworthy successes but the relationships dynamic and my being wounded caused me to isolate to protect myself. Again it was ultimately met with NTs deciding I was not a team player or some sort of alien or weirdo.
That only served to make career moves a struggle and the self-esteem issues ever-present. Putting on the constant game face was exhausting. I was good at it though and no one fully recognized what was behind that.
Now in my fifties, nothing much has changed. I isolate and have a VERY limited amount of people I’m fully available for, namely my wife and her children from a previous marriage who are very supportive and appreciate my qualities.
After 2020, that isolating behavior came back as our world went crazy and so many were brainwashed by the media and other woke agendas. I had a hard time trusting others and now all bets are off. Happier on the sidelines observing our society spin out of control.
I had big dreams when I was younger with the talent to back it up but the aspects of what Asberger’s created in keeping the types of relationships away from my life that would have secured success forced me to try and be okay with moving on from that in other ways.
I’m so glad it’s now recognized so that others can better understand themselves at a much younger age so as to capitalize on their abilities mindful of their predicament.
Thanks!
D
Thank you for this. Growing up undiagnosed I attribute to 14 years when I felt socially isolated. My breakthrough was when I was accepted socially by a co-worker and his wife, two old time hippies. Even though I did feel a social/sexual isolation, their acceptance started me on the path to learn how to accept myself, learning about body language, and taking my first tentative steps toward dating. Of course there were soul crushing momenta along the way, but I was primed for better things. My life changed when my, now spouse, accepted me sexually, but I nearly blew that, my mind hearing a no when she said yes.
I still have meltdowns and issues socializing. But, your message of self acceptance and using one’s strengths to navigate through life, I find to be very positive. In my work, and finding that I had a facility for applied statistics, I was able to frequently define my role in a technically demanding career, seeing opportunities in for applying my expertise and moving in that direction. I feel confident about my abilities in that, and any negative thoughts about comparing myself to others I used tounderstand and adapt my talents. It was not easy. And I decided to overcome early fears to become skilled in things like SCUBA, Whitewater Canoeing, or building Cedar Strip Canoes. So there is a lot in my happiness matrix. Sometimes, though, it is not enough when something reminds me of the past loneliness and PTSD-like emotions wash over me (I still dislike myself for being a Mr. Brightside during that time). But I like who I am, and hope all on the spectrum can find contentment.
Thank you for sharing this. I’ve been pretty stuck for a long time, I’m glad I’m not alone.
I (high functioning aspie, here) don’t isolate because I feel socially inadequate. I isolate because the NTs around me are typically so offensive and obnoxious I just cannot tolerate being around them for very long. I honestly don’t want to belong to a group of people who cannot even begin to fathom the notion that there are states of existence in the world that are different from theirs.
Example: the other day I had to go to the store to load my laundry card. As soon as I walked into any store I am bombarded by everything so I usually just leave my sunglasses on (but have recently started flipping them up onto my head because a friend suggested that the reason I am followed in stores is because I leave them on; I started flipping them up and stopped being followed but now I have to walk with eyes down most of the time because the overload in stimuli is painful) and (if I have them) my ear buds to increase my buffer zone.
A disgustingly crude, coarse, vulgar, obnoxious woman with a child around 6 started speaking violently to her child in an unnecessarily loud voice (I assumed she was violent based on her voice but it was just her normal speaking voice apparently; I sussed it out after listening for a bit. Nonetheless, I had to clench my hands to keep from reflexively covering my ears from the assault that was her voice) chiding him for choosing a slurpie for its color and yelling to him that brown is an ugly color and picked the slurpie for him.
I cringed and attempted to block her out. This may sound like an extreme example but her specific behavior and that of most other NTs is not very different from where I am experiencing it. They all seem loud and obnoxious and needy and painfully ignorant to me.
I enjoy spending time by myself, I enjoy not having to feel like I have to go out of my way to fake being “socially normal” (ie: by speaking incessantly about meaningless and inane things, etc., by engaging in social behaviors that are not innate to me such as being extroverted and overly demonstrative, by pretending to care about things I really don’t such as gossip)…..The downside is that I stick out no matter where I am. I have been masking for many years and have always been aware that I am different (but not necessarily inadequate) from others no matter what social context I am in EXCEPT when I am in a room of people on the AS.
Being around other AS individuals is the only time I have ever felt truly comfortable and relaxed.
Hi Serio,
I am feeling more in a similar vein to you: I feel fed up with humanity overall. Like I’ve been working so hard because of a handicap, and too many people just stand by and never cut me any slack or give me any credit for my strength. I get too often viewed as inferior. And I am fucking fed up with it and with people who think this way. They know next to nothing about my actual worth or substance, or for that matter, their own. Had enough. …Am attempting to tailor a life for my self where I can avoid people, save for ones I may actually want to be around… The rest I’ll keep at a distance. Spend .y time with animals and nature. Move a few hours away from my fily, who jalf the time leave me miserable. I am less alone when I’m alone half the time in this life.
I feel let down by the world. Tired of it.
Today I saw the label: Autism Spectrum Disorder. …Exemplifies what assholes people overall are. That they attempt to include and acknowledge differences of some people by starting out as labeling them as defective. The hypocrisy of this and the arrogance. …How can they possibly include as equals those they refuse to stop seeing as inferior?? …Why should all the onus of adapting to difference be on the Aspie… All… The… Fucking…. Time.
Homosexuals where once labelled ‘disordered’ and rejected and bullied. That is where Asperger’s people are now, and other higher functioning autisric people. Bullied more than others with other disabilities and excluded from the workforce to a shocking degree. …And it isn’t all down to the Aspie’s ‘bad’ behaviour, though this excuse and the gaslighting it constitutes is certainly used by all the narrow-minded judgemental and insecure people out there. We are such easy targets. Toxically shamed by our society and often then our families… It’s a shit life. Fuck the majority of people. Selfish and ironically very lacking in the famed empathy they claim Aspies to be devoid of.