Such a title makes for a bold statement but also dictates a life-changing action. When my son Sam was first diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (then, named Asperger Syndrome) our lives certainly changed. Though almost 20 years ago, much the same triumphs and challenges still exist for him but on a different level. One thing that proved to be most significant, if not monumental, was the moment I realized society expected one thing from my child, and the Autism dictated a much different path.
Clearly I came to this realization just as if I came to a fork in the road. I would act to accommodate the disapproving people or I would embrace all that was my child.
We Chose Sam
By doing so, there was an immediate relief. Relief from reacting to looks of disapproval to out and out judgmental comments that most certainly came from a place of never having a child on the spectrum. There were surprisingly some neighbors, family, strangers, teachers and especially other parents who would condescend his actions and that of mine as his mother. This took me by surprise.
Looking back and with a bit more wisdom, I realize they were not acting out of love nor even compassion but with an unkind heart and hurtful tongue that would probably change in an instant should Autism come into their lives as well. So unsolicited comments shouldn’t matter, but they so hurt. You as the parent already have a lot on your plate, you have to navigate all that Autism requires and reacting to these actions of others seems nothing but toxic that you try to absorb on behalf of your child. Exhausting!
The Fork in the Road
So coming to that fork in the road you must think, do I try an accommodate the negative if not naive people or do I simply choose my child and their heart desire and will-being. Truly it seemed (and still does) as simple as a choice.
By choosing your child it not only offers the freeing relief of truly ignoring the unwelcomed ‘suggestions’ of others, but allows your energy bank time to focus on your child and helping them develop their own lives! For example, if your child is hyper focused on astronomy, lay a blanket in the front yard and together watch the stars at night. No matter what neighbors might think.
If the interest turns to trains, together make a trip to a train museum or find a local railway in which to ride together. Let go of worrying what others may think. You’ll not only begin a freeing relationship with your child, you will also begin their foundation to find the specialized interest that may someday become their occupation.
I truly love a statement that Dr. Temple Grandin makes often, “it’s these specialized interests that often lead to a source of income for those on the Autism Spectrum.”
By choosing your child, you instill their confidence. You are showing them, by example, that their world may need to learn the skills to get along with their neurotypical peers, but their rhythm is their own. Help them find their unique place into the world and you’ll discover your scope has increased substantially in the process.
A graduate of Abilene Christian University, Jennifer had a long career in TV Broadcasting. Upon learning her oldest son Sam had a form of Autism called Asperger’s Syndrome, she left her career and became a full-time mother to both of her sons. Jennifer elicited the participation of her family and together they produced several independent programs including a children’s animated series titled Ameriquest Kids, as well as a documentary and book titled, Coping to Excelling: Solutions for School-age Children Diagnosed with High-Functioning Autism or Aspergers Syndrome. She formed the nonprofit Asperger101 to provide on-going free resources related to ASD at Aspergers101.com and has implemented the Texas Driving with Disability Program and continues to grow the statewide initiative today. She and her husband have recently retired to their property in the Texas Hill Country.