Beware of the Martyr Complex
2017-11-03
Taking care of yourself is a must when you are a care-giver or more specifically a guardian of a child with special needs.
“We have to give out of the overflow versus an empty tank. When we give out of our overflow, we are built up enough to give healthy help and joy. When we let our tank go down, it is like a car that begins to knock because the sediment on the bottom of the tank, is ruining the smooth running of the car. In these situations the car doesn’t run well, much like us when we do not have positive healthy, nourishing self care. We can only give out that which we have, we must center on the Spirit, Soul, Mind and Body”. – Dr. Ghia Edwards, Psy.D.
We welcome our Aspergers101 readers to a series dedicated to you, the care-giver. Pause and re-fresh as Dr. Ghia Edwards takes us into the first of a series of four blogs aimed specifically to you. Note: You might especially enjoy the added audio portion inserted into the text below!
“We cannot help anyone if we are not helping ourselves first”, we have all heard this before but what does this actually mean and how do we put it into practice. The Inner Workings of a Healthy Helper. Spirit, Soul, Mind and Body health keep the caregiver from running into the weeds. It’s like they say when you are flying, “In the event of an emergency apply your own mask first, then help others around you”. It’s quite a simple practice, so WHY oh why do we not implement it in our lives, we’ll I have theory.
When we are caregiving we are getting a payoff of some sort. If it’s just knowing that we are doing the correct thing for those we are caring for but with that comes being needed. Being needed is seductive, it is alluring, it feels great to know you are valuable but it can be just a step away from being a martyr. Beware of the martyr complex! It’s subtle but in my line of work I have seen this over and over again and perhaps even participated in the behavior myself. Yes I am a recovering over doer aka martyr.
Here are some solutions to help us NOT become a martyr.
A graduate of Abilene Christian University, Jennifer had a long career in TV Broadcasting. Upon learning her oldest son Sam had a form of Autism called Asperger’s Syndrome, she left her career and became a full-time mother to both of her sons. Jennifer elicited the participation of her family and together they produced several independent programs including a children’s animated series titled Ameriquest Kids, as well as a documentary and book titled, Coping to Excelling: Solutions for School-age Children Diagnosed with High-Functioning Autism or Aspergers Syndrome. She formed the nonprofit Asperger101 to provide on-going free resources related to ASD at Aspergers101.com and has implemented the Texas Driving with Disability Program and continues to grow the statewide initiative today. She and her husband have recently retired to their property in the Texas Hill Country.