Transitioning to Middle School

3 Comments

1. 

   I have Asperger’s, so maybe I can help. Social stories have been known to help people with Autism deal with transitions, everyday activities, upcoming events, among other things. Maybe it will help to write a social story for your child about starting middle school, in order to help make the transition smoother. Be sure to include changes such as switching classes, growing apart from elementary school friends, rapidly changing friendships, having a locker where they can store their belongings, among other changes that will happen in middle school. Make sure to emphasize that these changes are okay, and that a lot of children have difficulty with these changes.

   Another thing to discuss with your soon-to-be middle schooler is the difference between reporting (also known as informing or telling) and tattling (also known as snitching or ratting someone out). Reporting (also known as informing or telling) is when you tell a trusted adult authority figure about a situation because you are concerned about your safety or the safety of others, trying to keep someone out of trouble, OR because you have tried handling the situation yourself, and have been unsuccessful. Tattling (also known as snitching or ratting someone out) is when you tell a trusted adult authority figure about a situation because you want to get someone into trouble, or control someone. When children are in elementary school (especially early on), most often, they are known for reporting every single wrongdoing on the part of another person. Around late elementary or middle school, most kids begin to understand the social implications of telling an adult, and consider doing so under ANY circumstances a wrongdoing itself. Now, just to be clear, I am not saying that you should teach your soon-to-be middle schooler not to tell an adult about situations that seem unsafe. In fact, if someone is making them or others feel unsafe, they should actually be encouraged to report the incident to a trusted adult. However, they should be taught about which incidents should immediately be reported to a trusted adult, and which situations they should try to handle on their own first. For example, your child needs to understand that if Matt calls them a name, they can just tell him things like, “you know, Matt, it really hurts my feelings when people call me names, so please don’t do it again.” Or, “hey, Matt, please don’t call me names like that, because I don’t like it.” But if your child has asked Matt several times not to call them names, and he continues to do it, that is when they need to seek help from a trusted adult. However, if your child sees a weapon in Chloe’s locker, they need to understand that this is a situation that needs to be reported to a trusted adult right away. Teach your child to ask themselves these questions before they decide whether or not to tell a trusted adult. “Am I concerned about my own safety?” “Am I concerned about somebody else’s safety?” “Is it something illegal?” “have I tried addressing the situation myself enough times?” “Have I been successful?” “Is there an alternative?” This skill will not only be helpful in middle school, but in the real world.

2. 

   One thing I want people to know is that many people on the Autism Spectrum have difficulty understanding when the rules don’t need to be followed. In fact, some might not even understand that there are EVER times where the rules don’t need to be followed. If this is an issue for your child, I would suggest mentioning this to your child’s teachers, as well as to any other adults whom it may concern. When we are around toddler to early elementary school age, adults usually teach us the rules in a rather rigid manner. For example, we are taught to always say no to strangers, everything must be fair all the time, fair means exactly equal, we must always apologize when we have wronged someone, and that we are not supposed to do things we have been asked not to do. However, as we get older, most of us begin to understand that the rules we were taught when we were younger don’t apply in all situations. However, some people on the Autism Spectrum might continue to understand the rules in a very rigid manner well into adulthood, unless things are explained otherwise.

   Also, before your child starts middle school, make sure they understand the difference between reporting (a. k. a. informing or telling) and tattling (a. k. a. snitching or ratting someone out). Reporting (a. k. a. informing or telling) is if it is a serious issue. Tattling (a. k. a. snitching or ratting someone out) is if it is a minor incident. If you prefer not to use terms such as, “reporting,” or, “tattling,” you can easily replace these terms with terms such as, “you SHOULD tell an adult,” or, “you DO NOT NEED to tell an adult.” The reason why this is important is because some individuals on the Autism Spectrum might tell a trusted adult about minor infractions, because they want to make sure everybody is doing exactly as they are supposed to do. This is likely to eventually cause a rift between them and their fellow students, teachers, and later, coworkers and bosses. At the other extreme, some individuals on the Autism Spectrum might witness a serious incident, and not tell an adult they trust, because they think that doing so is tattling. If this happens, somebody could become injured, or there could be other serious problems. Telling about somebody cutting in line is tattling. Telling about somebody repeatedly cutting in line, even after that person has been asked to wait their turn several on several occasions is reporting. If somebody says something that hurts your feelings, and it is just an isolated incident, this is a time where you DO NOT NEED to tell an adult. Instead, you can just tell the person that this hurts your feelings, or that you don’t like when people say this, and ask them to please not say it again. If you have repeatedly asked this person not to say something, and they continue to say it, this is a time where you SHOULD tell an adult. If you tell an adult that somebody is in the wrong spot, this is snitching. If you see someone hit someone else, and you tell an adult, this is informing. If you tell an adult that somebody took the last of the chocolate ice cream, and won’t let your friend have it, this is ratting somebody out. If somebody tells you that a parent (or an adult they live with) hurts them, and you tell an adult about what that person told you, this is telling.

   Another thing to discuss with your child before the start of middle school is how fairness doesn’t always mean that everybody gets treated exactly the same. It is about everybody getting what they need in order to be successful. If your child complains that you don’t discipline his younger sibling like you would have disciplined him or her at the same age, this is likely not because your child feels like somebody is not getting what they need or deserve (although that might be part of it). This is likely because your child remembers when they were younger, and adults explained fairness as everybody getting ONE cookie. Or FOUR turns on the slide.

3. 

   One thing to consider is that some students with disabilities, especially Autism, can understand and follow most rules (especially if the rule is explicitly stated), but have some difficulty knowing when the rules don’t need to be followed. In fact, some students might not even understand that there are ever times where the rules don’t need to be followed. For example, if they are taught that it’s not ok to do something that you have been asked not to do, they will think that it’s never ok to do it. They will not understand that it’s only ok to do it in emergency situations, but it’s not ok to just do it whenever you want.