Tag Archives: children

Posted on

How to cope with Anxiety and Fear

Anxiety symptoms and reactions are very common in individuals with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). They can interfere with functioning across home, community and school settings. Scientific studies have found that from 11 to 84 percent of youth with autism suffer from anxiety symptoms – intense fear, trouble concentrating, rapid heartbeat, tension, restlessness or sleeplessness. Lisa Rogers with Educating Diverse Learners answers a reader’s question about helping her son overcome his daily stressor. 

Q: Dear Lisa,

My son has fears. One thought gives him daily anxiety: that of his pants not staying up. We tried belts that he buckles too tightly. He still fears the pants will fall and the buckle gives extra sensory problems. We tried sweatpants that he ties tightly, still fearful. All day he hikes his pants up. I tried to show him the pants can’t fall down but this doesn’t help. He also insists on wearing underwear two sizes too big. He is 8 and diagnosed as PDD-NOS. Could you direct me to any information to help him? This fear is causing multiple meltdowns daily. I don’t know what to do.

Thank you.

-Anonymous

A: Dear Mom or Dad,

Multiple meltdowns each day can certainly take its toll on your son and your family. I understand how critical this issue is for you and will do my best to provide helpful information for you to consider.

In order to be most helpful, I do need to ask a few questions first.

  • Is your son able to explain in any way what is causing or contributing to this fear? You mention that this is a current situation and so any insight about the reason for this development will be helpful. As you know, children on the autism spectrum are often rule-driven and literal in their interpretation of language. Perhaps something an adult said with good intentions about the importance of keeping your pants up or a scene from a movie could be a root cause? On the surface this might seem silly, but this can help in better understanding your son and his very real fear.
  • If your son is able to communicate through words or pictures, you might try cartooning as a way to acquire insight. When he is calm and all is well, you can sit together and draw a cartoon where you ask him to describe his thoughts while he is walking with his pants snug and tight around his waist. If not too stressful for him, you could even draw a picture with pants falling down on a stick figure and ask him to describe his ideas/feelings about this.
  • Have you already tried suspenders or even overalls to provide a sense of security beyond a belt or tie? It sounds like there are compounding sensory issues and so these might not be feasible options.

For now, here are a few ideas to consider . . .

I. Due to neurological differences, individuals with autism often experience a higher level of stress and anxiety. Structure, however, makes events predictable and helps to reduces stress, confusion, and anxiety.

So while you want an answer to your immediate problem, adding structure may be a critical preventive key to decrease anxiety which may be contributing to the presenting problem. A few ways to add structure at both school and home include the following:

  • Establish set routines at school and at home
  • Create daily schedules, weekly calendars and lists
  • Use visual cues like checklists with photos
  • Establish clear visual cues so that they can understand what work is expected, how much work is required, and how they know when they are finished the work
  • Make transitions predictable and regular
  • Provide tools, such as “surprise cards” to help deal with unanticipated or even planned changes in the routine

Here are a couple of resources for building structure at home:

http://www.freeprintablebehaviorcharts.com/autism_and_routines.htm
http://asdteacher.com/picturechoiceboard/

II. Does your son have any favorite characters or things? If so, these special interests can be used to help him deal with his anxiety/fear about his pants falling down. Power Cards have been found to be effective for some children with special interests.

A Power Card involves including special interests with visual aids to teach and reinforce academic, behavioral and social skills to individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorders. By using their special interest, the individual is motivated to use the strategy presented in the scenario and on the Power Card. It’s a positive strategy that is often entertaining as well as inexpensive and simple to develop.

It can be used when an individual lacks the understanding of his/her expectations, to clarify choices, to teach cause and effect between a specific behavior and its consequence, to teach another’s perspective, to aide in generalization, or as a visual reminder of appropriate behavioral expectations of a situation.

Posted on

Apart From the Crowd: Isolation in the Early Years of Diagnosis

A Quick Read

Even before the official diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome, we knew our son Sam walked apart from the crowd. His early intense interest in a subject matter, and not in his peers, was the perfect mix for oddity starting the early sociable elementary years.

While we, as Sam’s parents, grew to walk alongside (and later celebrate) the unique perspective Sam had on the world, it was me who was shocked to be set apart from the crowd.

(l to r) Charlie, Jennifer, Herb and Sam

The elementary years were full of field trips, lunch visits, and homeroom activities. When it came time for picking groups for the field trips, my son was not one who other mothers wanted for their sons. At this early age, most mothers were positioning their children to be the best, only with the best, and we didn’t fit their criteria.

So for many of those early years Sam and I sat alone as other mothers invited the more social children to sit with them. Support did not come in familiar places: relatives, neighbors, team sports, youth groups or, field trip Moms. In fact, it was those who were actually abusive to Sam that set the stage for above and beyond parental protection. So different from my youth or perceived visions of parenthood. After the shock and heart wrenching pain for my son, the realization sat in that I too, was isolated.

How Our Family Responded to Isolation

Our family had hit a harsh reality, so we decided to fight back in a way that did no harm to anyone, but bolstered our son’s confidence. We chose our son over the crowd. We eliminated the negative and stuck to the positives. My Mom and Dad (both have since passed) were so very supportive and loving and choose to take a big role in both our sons lives. We clung to that love and our sons were nurtured and flourished. You don’t need or should expect everyone in your family(s) to be supportive, just enjoy who does and build upon that. Together the four of us found a loving church home, become interested in all things our sons were interested in, enjoyed those who did make a conscience effort to be a positive part of our sons lives, traveled on weekends (verses attending typical soccer games), and marched to a new rhythm I had never heard before! At first it was scary, going a route we’ve never taken before. However, after removing the negatives, the anxious worry quickly subsided and Sam (and the rest of us) blossomed!

Hello to star-gazing, train following, computer lessons, pokemon’ tournaments….well you have your list too!

Being apart from the crowd became the norm and our sons both flourished.

I write this not to feel sad or ‘wallow’ in self-pity. Nor have I listed the struggles (you can refer to other posts covering that) of the journey. I write about the choice because it is that simple. Because this probably happens to many parents of a child on the spectrum. I want to encourage you to persevere and hold onto the unique qualities that are the very being of your Asperger child and to let go of any expectations you may have of others taking part. Bottom line: Forge your own path for your child and take along the handful of people who do want to be a part.

It does get easier the older they get, and the reward will be a son or daughter who knows that their uniqueness is a gift. Recently Sam was asked what it “felt” like to have Autism. His matter of fact reply was priceless: “Don’t think of Autism as a weight, think of it as a pair of wings”.

Being apart from the crowd is a great thing indeed.

By Jennifer Allen

Posted on

Animal Shelter Volunteer Work for Kids and Teens with Autism: Master Social and Job Skills

Volunteering at an animal shelter is a great way for tweens, teens and young adults on the autism spectrum to practice and improve social and job skills. They also learn responsibility and a respect for animals. As visitors come into animal shelters to look at animals available for adoption, it’s the perfect place for teens to improve face-to-face communication. The experience they gain volunteering at an animal shelter molds them into more effective volunteers and prepares them for the workforce.

Animal Shelter

Volunteering at an animal shelter is a fantastic opportunity, especially for teens with Aspergers. It has been widely discussed that children, teens, and adults with Aspergers form strong bonds with pets, and can greatly benefit from animal companionship.

Their time spent volunteering will produce better outcomes (adoptions) if they have good communication skills. Here are some top social skills from my book to ensure teens maximize the chance of an animal getting adopted, and master important social and job skills:

1. Smile and Say Hello:

When you see another person, whether a co-volunteer, staff member or visitor, smile and say “Hello”. Your smile will set the tone for positive future interactions and brighten the person’s day. It may even lead to an animal getting adopted or a financial donation. It all starts with a smile!

I used to volunteer at an animal shelter walking dogs. Often I would be in the back of the shelter bringing a dog in or taking one out. There would be people in the back of the animal shelter looking for animals to possibly adopt. I would smile and say “Hello”. I’d ask if they had questions about any of the dogs I walked. Often they would. After telling them about the animals, I’d suggest they spend time with any animal they were interested in. About 70% of the time they’d end up adopting an animal just because I engaged them and was able to provide helpful information. You can do the same thing!

2. Turn Off the Electronics:

When you are volunteering, keep your phone at home, or turned off, on silent or vibrate mode, and out of sight. This is part of being a professional volunteer and lays the foundation for good work habits.

3. Say Please and Thank You:

Posted on

Encouraging Emotional Self-Regulation for Aspergers Youth in the Classroom: Implementing the Feelings Chart

 Now that you have created a very personalized feelings chart for a person with Asperger’s, it is time to implement the strategy so that it is effective in both preventing the escalation of problem behaviors, and deescalating a situation once it has occurred.
Feelings Chart

A key feature to this, and almost any other strategy, is to teach and review it when the individual is calm and there is no problem at the moment.  These conditions help to ensure that the brain is at its best, most rational thinking, and that the strategy is not associated with a negative or difficult situation.

The start of the day is usually a good time to use the feelings chart as the person checks in to the school routine.

Unless there has been a morning problem at home or on the bus, this is usually a time where there is a clean slate from which to build. Depending on the grade level, the feelings chart may be posted as a large visual guide of feelings, or as a personal tool in a notebook, or both. The calming activities may be reviewed along with some role-playing.

By using the feelings chart first thing in the morning, the teacher can assess where the students are in their feelings and respond accordingly.

Responses may include celebrating and reinforcing positive feelings, and offering support to those who indicate a problem is developing. If there is a problem, then help the student refer to the predetermined calming activities and identify which holds the most promise for resolving the situation.

Throughout the day look for opportunities to use the feelings chart to check-in, and prevent possible difficulties.

My experience has been that on a scale of 1-5 [with 1 being very calm and happy], once a student has escalated to a 4 or a 5, it becomes much more difficult to de-escalate.  Therefore, it is critical to intervene when students are at a 3 in order to increase the likelihood that they will be able to calm down.

The feelings chart may also be used to debrief the day at the end of school. The chart may facilitate a conversation about what worked, what didn’t, and how to make a better plan for the next day. And remember to refer to the feelings chart when the student is calm and happy. The more we celebrate those moments, the more we focus on good times and positive energy.

by Lisa Rogers

Posted on

Finding the ABILITY in Asperger’s

Many say that Asperger’s isn’t a disability, it’s a different ability and I completely agree. We all know that children and adults with Asperger’s bring so many unique gifts to the table. With that said, it is important as a parent that you understand and truly believe that statement. You need to take that thought and hold onto it because as a parent trying to help your child navigate this world, it isn’t always going to feel that way.

Child with balloons

It is our job and right as parents to worry in general, but during times of struggle it elevates a little, okay a lot, and your worries and fears stretch far beyond the soccer field. The game plan, the therapies, and the progress are all part of your life too. The struggle lies in the fact that the plan will need to change, that was once right no longer will be. Just as you think you are smooth sailing, a small change in life may cause the need to reset everything.

Many people see children with Asperger’s and they don’t understand that their needs are lifelong. They don’t see that even if you watch your child succeed at a young age, there will be new territory to navigate as they get older and new situations arise. Of course every child is different, heck every person is, but there is a big underlying root of anxiety, fear, and discomfort for those living the Aspie life.

Perhaps that doesn’t make you feel any better and might even scare you more. I’m sorry if that’s the case, but I truly believe it is important to acknowledge all of the feelings and territory that come with the job. This is a job that comes with a lot of hard work, confusion, sadness, worry, and readjusting. There are going to be days when it doesn’t feel like “a different ability” for you or your child and you need to allow yourself to feel that.

You need to hear and find others who know the guilt that you may sometimes feel when you doubt yourself.

There is a guilt that you feel when you are sad for your child during times of struggle, and when deep down inside you wish that struggle wasn’t there. You will have people tell you that all children struggle, which they do, but it won’t help or bring you any comfort. There are days that you will just feel lost and you will cry.

No matter what happens in life, one thing will always remain true. You will find a way to help your child and come up with a new plan to address life’s new obstacles. You will always rediscover your footing and help them do the same. You will always love and adore your son or daughter and you will never stop fighting for them.

While some days or time periods may scare you or even bring doubt, you will always once again feel that Asperger’s is simply a different ability, and those are the moments that are going to carry you through.

So even if you don’t feel it at the time, always carry that thought with you because I promise that the storm will pass and once it does you are always going to need the reassurance! It may be a wild ride, but the times that you get to celebrate that extra “ability” and triumph are what makes it all worthwhile.

By Jessica Nieminski

Posted on

Stuck on Skip: The Patterns of Life

My son absolutely loves letters, shapes, numbers, and colors. He can do different activities, but spends majority of his day focusing on the things that he loves most. He loves them because he understands them and they are always constant. A q is always a q, and b always comes after a. One plus one always equals two, and a triangle will always have three sides. Or in his case, his favorite shape, a dodecahedron, will always have twenty sides. A dodecawhat? Just trust me and stay with me here.

My son spends most of his day studying these things and lining them up. In fact, he lines everything up. I often even know he was in a room because of the telltale evidence he leaves behind. For example, the other day I knew he went into my bathroom because when I went in there, there was a line of tampons on the floor organized by color. He doesn’t have all the order that he needs in life so he creates it, and I’m pretty sure he would do this all day long if I would let him. Of course the one exception is that he likes the couch throw pillows on the floor and I like them lined up on the couch. Can’t figure that one out!

Happy family on meadow at summer sunset

The point is that every day I feel like we often do the same things, over and over. I often even hear the same phrases and words over and over again. For me, this is the norm, and I am happy to live it, but sometimes I can’t help but feel like his life and mine are stuck on skip.

Like a record that just can’t get over that scratch, or for any youngsters out there, a DVD that is skipping back to the same part. Or for even younger folks, buying a movie on apple tv that won’t play through. Isn’t it amazing that no matter how far we advance as a society, our issues are still the same?

Anyway, every day is similar and it is a good thing in our house when we find something new to line up or perhaps even change the pattern, because that is change! In fact, my son is so creative in creating new patterns that when family was recently over we all felt like we were doing mind puzzles trying to find his reason and new pattern choice. I see it like he is leaving mini works of art all throughout the home. If you could see some of his more intricate letter designs I doubt you would describe it any other way. I often call him a letterologist  or letter ninja if there were such a thing.  

Posted on

11 Things Not to Say to an ASD Parent

It wasn’t until the day that one of my children was diagnosed with both Autism Spectrum Disorder and Sensory Processing Disorder that I realized quite how upsetting the topic was to many people. I still do not know why labels that are used for medical purposes, that open doors for children in need, can be such an issue for so many. After all, the word “Autism” to me is just a word. My child is still my child, and the world we live in may be unique at times, but it is also extraordinary.

I’m not sure if people just don’t know what to say, or if they are simply uninformed and inexperienced. As a parent of two children who face specific challenges, I can assure you that there are a list of things that I have had said to me that are anything but helpful.

Here are just a few suggestions for sensitivity towards parents with ASD children:

1. Don’t worry, he is just a being a boy or she is just being a girl, because boys are like this and girls are like that.

Yes boys and girls are different often times, but there are many signs and characteristics of autism spectrum disorder that if missed or ignored could be hurtful to your child if they do not get certain resources to help them overcome the adversity in their lives early on and build upon the many amazing qualities they already have.

2. At least they look pretty normal. If you just looked at them you would never know.

First: “normal” is a joke. Second: I never said that my kids were not “normal.” Third: what they look like at first glance does not directly correlate with the obstacles they face in their lives or that we face in our household. Fourth: I would love my child no matter what they looked like.

3. Doctors and therapists are just taking advantage of you and don’t always know what they are talking about.  They are just getting you all worked up over nothing.

I am just going to insert some ????? here because this statement is insulting to many people on many levels. There is no comment even worth the time to respond to a comment that is clearly more about a person’s denial and own feelings than the life and best interests of a child.

4. There are plenty of kids who don’t talk. All kids develop at their own pace.

Posted on

A Visual Social Story to Use for Safe Halloween Tips

Halloween can be both a fun and nerve-wracking time for parents. Especially for children with ASD, there are many unknowns and events that could trigger a meltdown or even put your child in danger. But halloween can easily be safe and exciting experience if you plan in advance to prepare your child and help guide them. One great technique to use for ASD children and visual learners is a visual social story. Take a look at the visual social story below and print it out or show it to your child to plan and prepare for a fun and safe halloween!

For more resources and suggestions on planning for Halloween see the links below:

  • This is a great video of tips about planning in advance for Halloween, with his #1 tip being to not forget those ear muffs or ear defenders at home! The Aspie World Video
  • For an easy to reference list of suggestions, including practice role playing for receiving and giving treats, go here: Seattle Children’s Autism Blog
  • Attitude Magazine has a list of tips including more about sensory issues that might arise, relating to those with ADHD and Sensory Processing Disorder as well: Attitude Magazine Halloween Tips
  • Are you concerned about candy consumption and possible allergies? This blog addresses how you might be able to navigate that issue: Spirit of Autism

Have a fun and safe Halloween!

by Lisa Rogers

Posted on

Parenting Styles to Support Children into an Independent Adulthood

What parenting styles work for you? Are we emotionally stunting our own children? Greetings, my name is Raeme Bosquez-Greer. I am a Program Director with Southwind Fields and I am a mother of adopted children who have cognitive disabilities. The subject I will be discussing is from the perspective of a mother who has been there and done that, then did it again.

For many years I have spoken to parents from all walks of life that have an array of parenting styles. The dynamics of relationships in a household molds the emotional balance of your child.

Regarding a person with Autism, this statement is intensified because I believe these youths on the spectrum feel more and absorb more than any other human being. This is often shown when observing social skills with a group of strangers, grocery shopping, attempting to live with a roommate and so much more.

I will admit I am everything rolled into one in regard to being a Lawn Mower Mom, and A Helicopter Mom. I hover, and I over protect. As a professional and advocate I have seen too much to not be these types of mothers.

It is very difficult currently to not be overprotective and wanting to insulate our children in a safe bubble.

Posted on

Lessons Learned from Kids with Diverse Abilities

I say diverse abilities because one thing that I have learned from working and playing with children and adults with developmental disabilities is that they understand more than neuro-typical children and adults do.

Five young friends jumping outdoors smiling

You may understand if you’ve ever heard the phrase “Dance like no one is watching.” and if you crave the freedom and joy that behaving that way can bring. They live their lives like no one is watching. They may not even have the ability to sensor their thoughts. This really brings a sense of freedom and joy that no one else (I know) can truly understand.

It is the rest of the world who has a problem with what a child like this does and says.  If society could be “okay” with this, than they could be “okay” with truly BEING authentic with who they are. These “children” taught me so much about being authentic and not worrying about what other people see or think. It was years later, when I became a mother again, that I realized just how much they taught me.

**This blog is a continuation from a previous post by Katherine Goodsell, you can find it here.