Consistency is Comfort – Aspergers Family Relationships

While we, and the world in which we live, is always changing our Asperger child struggles with this uncertainty. How do we, as the parent help buffer the certainty of change with the challenge it brings to those living on the spectrum? This is a good question that affects many families, and poses discussion!


Though we cannot control the world nor the small corner in which we live, we can somewhat control the space in which we call home.

An example:

If noisy chatty relatives come to visit your child should always have a ‘safe zone’ which typically would be their bedroom. If the chatty relative wants to laugh loudly, your autistic child should be able to go to their room and close their door without feeling badly. After all, this is their home and the one place that should feel safe.

This has been a difficult topic for our family over the years and in one case, the relative is quite uncomfortable around our son and chooses to stay away. However, we find most all understand the situation and are thrilled to comply with softer voices when visiting.

This provides comfort for the high-functioning person to have a place that will not be changed unless they do so. So keep in mind not to rearrange furniture or clean extensively unless  it’s a partnership and they have time to adjust.

I can see comfort and relief in our son’s demeanor when school or work becomes harried and he can come to a place that remains the way he left it. This is a pattern that hopefully will carry him far after he’s left home. He knows and expects that school, work, traffic, and anything outside the home may throw curveballs and change at a moment’s notice, but the refuge and consistency of his ‘space’ is essential and those that visit our home are aware of this priority. Consistency is comfort!

by Jennifer Allen

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Jennifer Allen

After an extensive career broadcast marketing, Jennifer and her husband searched for answers when their oldest son hit the kinder years with great difficultly. After finally learning that their oldest son had Aspergers Syndrome, she left her career in television and became a full time mother to both of her sons. Jennifer elicited the participation of her sons and together they produced several independent programs including a children’s animated series titled Ameriquest Kids (now distributed by Landmark Media) as well as her documentary and book titled, Coping to Excelling: Solutions for school-age children diagnosed with High-Functioning Autism or Aspergers Syndrome. The need for more information encouraged Jennifer to elicit a team of autism experts to provide weekly, original content to a website free to anyone seeking to live their best under the diagnosis of High-Functioning Autism/Aspergers Syndrome… appropriately titled:

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