Many parents experience the “picky eater” from time to time. As with most differences on the autism spectrum, the difference in describing the picky eater with autism can be found in the intensity or degree.  Because of this relative understanding, one might be critical of the parent with a child with autism and tell them they just need to make their child eat food that is more nutritionally sound. But the “picky eater” is really just someone with sensory processing issues in regards to taste.

I was in a meeting where the educators and the parents were discussing the narrow food choices of the daughter as being a nutritional and even behavioral concern. At one point, one of the educators told the parents that she, herself, had a picky eater, and that she just had to lay down the rules and “force” the issue. The teacher proceeded to tell the parents that they should do the same thing. The mother became upset very quickly and in a raised voice told the educator, “Don’t you think I’ve tried everything to make her eat healthy?! I’ve had food spit out at me more times than I can count, and I’ve had the kitchen torn apart after a food-related meltdown . . . I’ve done it ALL!!!” 

I am trying to make the point that we are talking about a matter that goes beyond “picky eating”.
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Aspergers youth process information differently than their neuro-typical peers. More specifically, they generally think in a visual, concrete, detail-oriented manner for every task. They like to know every detail about something, especially when it is critical to survival and to excellence at a given task; driving encompasses both survival and excellence.

Driver’s education courses and books serve as necessary and insightful preparatory activities for the inexperienced and exceptional driver. Further, each driver has different habits and preferences, good and bad. When a driver or parent uses these habits advantageously, they serve as indicators for level of comfort and as foreshadowers of future mistakes.

Among the most common and serious issues that Aspergers youth face is the fact that many of them do not always think fast enough to make snap decisions. This issue especially applies when Aspergers drivers travel in unfamiliar places in general.

For example: an Aspergers driver who usually travels on two-lane in-state roadways near his home would likely have trouble navigating through a series of one-way city streets in Baltimore, MD, considering that he does not typically watch out for one-way signs there.

As a safeguard, they desire to stick with the same few routes every day because they fit into their pre-established driving parameters. These parameters could include the avoidance of bridges due to fear of heights or bumpy roads due to sensory overload caused by bouncing in the seat.

Let’s face it, unpleasant stimulation and loss of direction often triggers meltdowns and panic attacks in the Aspergers driver, thereby further clouding his judgment. Behind the wheel, one bad situation leads to another.

To resolve these issues, there are actions that parents and Aspergers drivers can both take to make judgment clear in order to ensure safe travels.

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Such a title makes for a bold statement but also dictates a life-changing action. When my son Sam was first diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (then, named Asperger Syndrome) our lives certainly changed. Though almost 20 years ago, much the same triumphs and challenges still exist for him but on a different level. One thing that proved to be most significant, if not monumental, was the moment I realized society expected one thing from my child, and the Autism dictated a much different path.

Clearly I came to this realization just as if I came to a fork in the road. I would act to accommodate the disapproving people or I would embrace all that was my child.

We Chose Sam

By doing so, there was an immediate relief. Relief from reacting to looks of disapproval to out and out judgmental comments that most certainly came from a place of never having a child on the spectrum. There were surprisingly some neighbors, family, strangers, teachers and especially other parents who would condescend his actions and that of mine as his mother. This took me by surprise.

Looking back and with a bit more wisdom, I realize they were not acting out of love nor even compassion but with an unkind heart and hurtful tongue that would probably change in an instant should Autism come into their lives as well. So unsolicited comments shouldn’t matter, but they so hurt. You as the parent already have a lot on your plate, you have to navigate all that Autism requires and reacting to these actions of others seems nothing but toxic that you try to absorb on behalf of your child. Exhausting!

The Fork in the Road

So coming to that fork in the road you must think, do I try an accommodate the negative if not naive people or do I simply choose my child and their heart desire and will-being. Truly it seemed (and still does) as simple as a choice.

By choosing your child it not only offers the freeing relief of truly ignoring the unwelcomed ‘suggestions’ of others, but allows your energy bank time to focus on your child and helping them develop their own lives! For example, if your child is hyper focused on astronomy, lay a blanket in the front yard and together watch the stars at night. No matter what neighbors might think.

If the interest turns to trains, together make a trip to a train museum or find a local railway in which to ride together. Let go of worrying what others may think. You’ll not only begin a freeing relationship with your child, you will also begin their foundation to find the specialized interest that may someday become their occupation.

I truly love a statement that Dr. Temple Grandin makes often, “it’s these specialized interests that often lead to a source of income for those on the Autism Spectrum.”

By choosing your child, you instill their confidence. You are showing them, by example, that their world may need to learn the skills to get along with their neurotypical peers, but their rhythm is their own. Help them find their unique place into the world and you’ll discover your scope has increased substantially in the process.

Dr. Grandin speaks as I’ve never heard her before! Opens up about her life experiences while offering valuable tips for succeeding with the Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis. Great listen for parents, educators, employers, and those with ASD. She touches on putting career first and autism second and gives examples of her previous jobs including that with NASA. Schools should be focusing on the skills/trade opportunities for kids with autism as many excel in these programs. She also discusses difference in how all those with autism process information, some visual others not so much so. There are places in the workplace for both. Very inspirational as she ends with both arms up in the air and the audience rising to the feet for the occasion. We feel you will do the same.

Aspergers101: An Evening with Dr. Temple Grandin – Powerful Speech on Excelling with ASD (2018)

Specialized Interests

 Temple went on to say that for those with a specialized interests, who embrace robotics, artificial intelligence and automation may find themselves in a good position within our future workplace.

Within the USA Today article, Bill Brennan, audit transformation leader for PricewaterhouseCoopers, states that he is now hiring employees with backgrounds in science, technology and engineering. “We need those individuals to help us as we get into data analysis, analytics, data security, cloud computing. The future employee is going to have a combination of those skills,” Brennan said.

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It is my hope that this documentary will aid you in your journey with Autism/Asperger Syndrome. I began this work early on when my son Sam was finally diagnosed. One strong statement that is in the documentary came from Dr. Jannesa Manning whose area of study, at the time of filming, was Neuroscience Imaging with a focus on discovering Autistic Minds.

Coping to Excelling DVD

Coping to Excelling DVD

Excellent overview of High Functioning Autism and Aspergers Syndrome!

Coping to Excelling sheds illuminating light on the topic of High-Functioning Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome in school-aged children. Narrated by a Mother of a son with Asperger’s, this engaging program allows the viewer to ‘see through the eyes’ of those on the high end of the autism spectrum while getting advice from experts such as Dr. Temple Grandin, Dr. Tony Attwood, Jennifer McIlwee Myers, Billy Edwards and many more! Bottom line: This program will take these children, and their families, from merely coping with High-Functioning Autism to excelling.

Message from Dr. Temple Grandin

“I would strongly recommend the Coping to Excelling DVD not only for parents, especially those of a newly diagnosed child, but also for teachers and professionals!”

– Dr. Tony Attwood

$24.95
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“The brain of your child, who has been newly diagnosed with High-Functioning Autism or Aspergers, is different and functions in different ways than a typically developing child. This is not a choice the child is making; we see actual neurological differences when we query by both anatomy and function. So there is a great importance to getting therapy and getting treatments, well-defined efficacious treatments, and trying to improve the behaviors but understanding that they are coming from a place of being different neurologically.”

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Dr Louise O’Donnell offers Quick Tips for Drivers who are diagnosed with Autism when being pulled over by an officer of the law. In part 1 below, Dr. O’Donnell touches on the basics of composure such a the surge of panic/anxiety that might occur when first approached after a pull-over.

Part 1
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As you are in the midst of family & social gatherings, we offer you our best on preparing for the potential nightmares of sensory overloads and societal expectations. The change in routine is the biggest difficulty during the holidays. Below are suggestions for you or for those you think might need the awareness most!
-The Staff at Aspergers101

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Her heart supplies flow to remote extremities not her own. Life beyond her own requires all she can give, all of the time, for the rest of her life. A new reality not familiar but all encompassing. She is the caregiver and life support for a child with autism. She is a Mother. In the shadow of the crowd she flows an internal stream of strength and resourcefulness. Joy is derived in the brief triumph of society’s perceived common performance, and sorrowful familiarity consumes her soul in clearing hurdles too high for the neurotypical masses. She is unobserved, often ridiculed, and apart from the crowd yet her strength and beauty resides above the noise of ‘normal’ and her soul finds respite in Gods gracious stronghold. She rises to her lifelong lot and delights in the fragility of life that often passes others understanding. Though often tired, her senses are keenly awake! She is a beacon, a heroine seen and respected by those, like her, forging life’s path for her child.

Sunrise by Claude Monet

with Marcia Eckerd, Ph.D.

  1. Respect yourself.   As hard as things have been, focus on your strengths. Your path, however bumpy, has gotten you the be the person you are. You are unique, and no one else can contribute your insight and perspective.
  2. Reach out for support.   If you have family or friends who “get it,” that’s terrific. If not, there’s communities of support out there on Facebook, like “The Aspergian Has An Article for That” and “Autism Support and Discussion Group”. People have had similar experiences and are working on the same issues.
  3. Advocate for yourself. No one can see inside you.   Consider how best to communicate to the person who is listening. With some people, you can probably say what you want plainly. For others, help them understand. You might try this: say something positive (I want to do a good job), then your need: (but I need a quieter place to work) and then something positive (I’ll be able to get that done). Or, another example: positive (I want us to get along), need (so I need you to be clear and not expect I know what you want), positive (that will really help).
  4. Take care of your health.  Your body is critical to your mood, your ability to think and your wellbeing. Too many people don’t get enough sleep, eat well or take the time to take care of themselves. Treat yourself to a recharging walk to somewhere you enjoy (or nap), whatever works for you.
  5.  Meditate   It’s been proven that mediation can structurally change your brain to be more stress resilient, and it’s like creating a center of calm for yourself. There’s many ways to do it (mindfulness, repeating a phrase, yoga, even walking). You’ll find great apps to lead you through mediation like Calm, Headspace and Insight Timer.
  6. Know yourself     Know your triggers for emotional and sensory overload and early warning signs in your thinking, feeling or body that say it’s getting too much. Have strategies you’ve pre-thought for calming down, whether it’s something like taking a walk, listening to music, doing a minute or two of meditation, anything that works.
  7. Have strategies    If you can’t escape going into difficult situations, have strategies for handling it. Short doses, taking time outs. Use self-advocacy to share that this situation is difficult and what might be helpful. If that doesn’t work and this situation keeps recurring, there’s something fundamentally wrong with this situation and you might have to think about how to change it.
  8. Have compassion for yourself    We all do our best and no one is perfect. You may have made mistakes and regret them but that’s how we learn. You need to give yourself the compassion you’d want to give a friend in the same situation.
  9. Let go of anger     This saying is allegedly attributed to the Buddha: He who holds onto anger is like the man who drinks poison and expects the other person to die. Anger stimulates your stress response so your autonomic nervous system stays in fight/flight mode. This is bad for your health, your immunity and your outlook on yourself and life. I’m not saying forget, just do whatever re-centers your focus on how you overcame (or can overcome) whatever obstacle you encountered. You’ve undoubtedly had some good experiences; focus on them as balancing the negative.
  10. Learn the serenity prayer.    Give me the serenity to accept what I can’t change, the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Anxiety symptoms and reactions are very common in individuals with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). They can interfere with functioning across home, community and school settings. Scientific studies have found that from 11 to 84 percent of youth with autism suffer from anxiety symptoms – intense fear, trouble concentrating, rapid heartbeat, tension, restlessness or sleeplessness.

Lisa Rogers with Educating Diverse Learners answers a reader’s question about helping her son overcome his daily stressor. 

Q: Dear Lisa,

My son has fears. One thought gives him daily anxiety: that of his pants not staying up. We tried belts that he buckles too tightly. He still fears the pants will fall and the buckle gives extra sensory problems. We tried sweatpants that he ties tightly, still fearful. All day he hikes his pants up. I tried to show him the pants can’t fall down but this doesn’t help. He also insists on wearing underwear two sizes too big. He is 8 and diagnosed as PDD-NOS. Could you direct me to any information to help him? This fear is causing multiple meltdowns daily. I don’t know what to do. Thank you, -Anonymous

A: Dear Mom or Dad,

Multiple meltdowns each day can certainly take its toll on your son and your family. I understand how critical this issue is for you and will do my best to provide helpful information for you to consider.

In order to be most helpful, I do need to ask a few questions first.

  • Is your son able to explain in any way what is causing or contributing to this fear? You mention that this is a current situation and so any insight about the reason for this development will be helpful. As you know, children on the autism spectrum are often rule-driven and literal in their interpretation of language. Perhaps something an adult said with good intentions about the importance of keeping your pants up or a scene from a movie could be a root cause? On the surface this might seem silly, but this can help in better understanding your son and his very real fear.
  • If your son is able to communicate through words or pictures, you might try cartooning as a way to acquire insight. When he is calm and all is well, you can sit together and draw a cartoon where you ask him to describe his thoughts while he is walking with his pants snug and tight around his waist. If not too stressful for him, you could even draw a picture with pants falling down on a stick figure and ask him to describe his ideas/feelings about this.
  • Have you already tried suspenders or even overalls to provide a sense of security beyond a belt or tie? It sounds like there are compounding sensory issues and so these might not be feasible options.

For now, here are a few ideas to consider . . .

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